Thank you for this piece Emmanuelle, most thoughtful and elicits must reflection in me (white American, working in and around international institutions, married to an African (just avoiding what country for privacy reasons, it’s a small world), with two young kids exploring and questioning always. Merci. X
I am glad this piece hit home for you, and I am always amazed when someone says it does haha. Kids will have you to explore and question always, I am an aunt of a 4 year old and a 9 months old, and I am their godmother. My brother is mixed and his partner is white, and my nephew and niece appears white, and in a French context it is not that common, so I am wondering how to explain them their history as we already see people questioning my brother, mother, and my relationship with them.
Ça m’a beaucoup intéressé parce que mon père à aussi travaillé en Afrique pendant son service militaire dans les années 60/70, mais aussi parce que je viens d’avoir un bébé qui est moitié moi (blanche , moitié français moitié australienne) et moitié son père (qui vient du zimbabwee). Donc j’espère pouvoir construire une relation honnête, plein d’amour mais aussi d’apprentissage / d’ouverture d’esprit comme la vôtre.
Je suis ravie suis ravie de lire votre commentaire et de savoir que cet article soit utile, il y a tellement peu de choses sur le sujet qui circulent alors que c'est très important. Vous voyez, par exemple, l'expérience de votre père dans les années 60-70 n'est pas relatée d'un point de vue historique alors qu'il y a sûrement pas mal de personnes qui ont fait leur service militaire ou ont travaillé en Afrique. Et je pense que dans la narration de la France et aussi dans la construction de l'identité de personnes comme vous et moi c'est très important.
Je ne suis pas mère, mais je pense comprendre très bien vos mots quand vous parlez de construire une relation honnête, pleine d'amour et d'apprentissage avec votre enfant (félicitations !). J'ai un neveu et une nièce et c'est aussi pour eux que je fais ce travail de raconter l'histoire de notre famille afin qu'ils aient un contexte où se placer et sachent que nous sommes une belle famille sans pour autant cacher la réalité des choses.
I settled down into reading your story with a lot of content. I loved reading about you and your family’s history. This is brilliantly written - I love how you don’t have "la langue de bois" in these discussions with your father. This and the openness of your dad to share is incredibly endearing. This is a good piece. Thank you.
I am so glad you had a lovely time reading my story.
I wanted to share it with you especially, as I feel that the reader you addressed to isn't the only among those reading your newsletter. It was my way to tell that allyship isn't about:
1. Tell us how we should tell our story
2. Thinking being an ally means you have achieved some sainthood, but rather a constant work on oneself
3. things being so black and white in an any type of interracial relationships
There is so much to say about allyship as people often think it means being a good person when it also means seeing the parts you don't want to see in yourself.
And yes, I have been raised to not have filters, so I've always expressed myself, and when I couldn't I waited to be ready to do so.
Thank you for sharing your personal history so candidly. To be able to have a difficult conversation with a parent like this is rare and wonderful, and I can feel the loving honesty in your words :)
Thank you for commenting. You are absolutely right, being able to have difficult conversations with a parent is not to be taken for granted that's why I was inclined to share this particular story. When it comes to race and racism, the narration is always very black or white, it is either the very good parent whose love makes them understand everything or the nasty parent that doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand their child. There is no in-between stories, when it is what is needed in my opinion.
I am super glad the love and honesty came through!
Je suis Caboverdienne (randomly speak French because I lived in Belgium some years) et ton essai me rapelle de mon arrière-grandmère et de sa mère, d’origine Portuguaise qui on vecu au Cabo Verde et eu des experiences pareilles. Love this essay.
C'est un plaisir de lire ton commentaire and learn that it reminded you of your family. C'est tellement incroyable les connections que créent l'écriture. I am amazed that my relationship with my father is similar to your great-grandmother and mother. C'est incroyable parce que nous sommes en 2024 et certaines expériences se répètent quel que soit le contexte. How uncanny!
This is simply delectable, and the following is in love: you, my Dear, are dangerous with an ink pen/keyboard! Excellent!
P.S. - that’s the thing about having children, they are humbling in ways one can’t imagine (and you Dad may never say it, but he appreciates that you’re the impetus if his continued unlearning 😉).
I am so flattered about your compliment about my writing, as I am not a native speaker, I am always very conscious. Thank you!
My dad is THE best, he might not say it, but his actions are so telling. There will always be a moment when he asks a question about a past conversation, or tell me about an article or a book he read or found. I mean I couldn't be prouder to be his daughter!
You’re making him think about things, and that’s great. I’d love to listen in when he speaks of you with his friends and others, I need sunglasses because his smile is blinding! And there is absolutely no need for self-conscious thinking, none- you are exceeding your own expectations!
Haha, my father is the type of parent and grandparent that shamelessly says his children and grandchildren are THE best. We thankfully have our mother to even things out, if not we would have grown up to be pretty conceited haha. Thanks again for your kind words!
Well done, Emmanuelle! I'm sure writing about this hasn't been easy, I loved reading it. I think this would make a fantastic series, keep writing about your family and going deep, your story is important because you have both perspectives.
It hasn't been at all because I was afraid to not convey that despite all there is much love between me and my father. But I also wanted to be honest. I am really glad you enjoyed it which encourages me to keep writing about my family. Thanks a lot for your kind words!
Effectivement, je suis revenue plusieurs fois sur cet article avant de le publier, j'avais peur de manquer de respect à mon père (même si il a lu l'article haha) et je voulais aussi transmettre tout l'amour et le dialogue qu'il y a dans notre relation malgré tout. En tout cas je suis ravie que tu aies trouvé l'article passionnant à lire. Merci beaucoup !
Thank you for this piece Emmanuelle, most thoughtful and elicits must reflection in me (white American, working in and around international institutions, married to an African (just avoiding what country for privacy reasons, it’s a small world), with two young kids exploring and questioning always. Merci. X
Hello Jen,
Thank you for your comment.
I am glad this piece hit home for you, and I am always amazed when someone says it does haha. Kids will have you to explore and question always, I am an aunt of a 4 year old and a 9 months old, and I am their godmother. My brother is mixed and his partner is white, and my nephew and niece appears white, and in a French context it is not that common, so I am wondering how to explain them their history as we already see people questioning my brother, mother, and my relationship with them.
Avec plaisir, X
Ça m’a beaucoup intéressé parce que mon père à aussi travaillé en Afrique pendant son service militaire dans les années 60/70, mais aussi parce que je viens d’avoir un bébé qui est moitié moi (blanche , moitié français moitié australienne) et moitié son père (qui vient du zimbabwee). Donc j’espère pouvoir construire une relation honnête, plein d’amour mais aussi d’apprentissage / d’ouverture d’esprit comme la vôtre.
Bonsoir Titanium,
Je suis ravie suis ravie de lire votre commentaire et de savoir que cet article soit utile, il y a tellement peu de choses sur le sujet qui circulent alors que c'est très important. Vous voyez, par exemple, l'expérience de votre père dans les années 60-70 n'est pas relatée d'un point de vue historique alors qu'il y a sûrement pas mal de personnes qui ont fait leur service militaire ou ont travaillé en Afrique. Et je pense que dans la narration de la France et aussi dans la construction de l'identité de personnes comme vous et moi c'est très important.
Je ne suis pas mère, mais je pense comprendre très bien vos mots quand vous parlez de construire une relation honnête, pleine d'amour et d'apprentissage avec votre enfant (félicitations !). J'ai un neveu et une nièce et c'est aussi pour eux que je fais ce travail de raconter l'histoire de notre famille afin qu'ils aient un contexte où se placer et sachent que nous sommes une belle famille sans pour autant cacher la réalité des choses.
I settled down into reading your story with a lot of content. I loved reading about you and your family’s history. This is brilliantly written - I love how you don’t have "la langue de bois" in these discussions with your father. This and the openness of your dad to share is incredibly endearing. This is a good piece. Thank you.
Hello Rebecca,
I am so glad you had a lovely time reading my story.
I wanted to share it with you especially, as I feel that the reader you addressed to isn't the only among those reading your newsletter. It was my way to tell that allyship isn't about:
1. Tell us how we should tell our story
2. Thinking being an ally means you have achieved some sainthood, but rather a constant work on oneself
3. things being so black and white in an any type of interracial relationships
There is so much to say about allyship as people often think it means being a good person when it also means seeing the parts you don't want to see in yourself.
And yes, I have been raised to not have filters, so I've always expressed myself, and when I couldn't I waited to be ready to do so.
Thank you for reading!
Lovely. I enjoyed learning about your relationship with your father and your ability to have uncomfortable conversations.
Thank you for sharing your personal history so candidly. To be able to have a difficult conversation with a parent like this is rare and wonderful, and I can feel the loving honesty in your words :)
Hello Lin,
Thank you for commenting. You are absolutely right, being able to have difficult conversations with a parent is not to be taken for granted that's why I was inclined to share this particular story. When it comes to race and racism, the narration is always very black or white, it is either the very good parent whose love makes them understand everything or the nasty parent that doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand their child. There is no in-between stories, when it is what is needed in my opinion.
I am super glad the love and honesty came through!
Je suis Caboverdienne (randomly speak French because I lived in Belgium some years) et ton essai me rapelle de mon arrière-grandmère et de sa mère, d’origine Portuguaise qui on vecu au Cabo Verde et eu des experiences pareilles. Love this essay.
Bonsoir Janine,
C'est un plaisir de lire ton commentaire and learn that it reminded you of your family. C'est tellement incroyable les connections que créent l'écriture. I am amazed that my relationship with my father is similar to your great-grandmother and mother. C'est incroyable parce que nous sommes en 2024 et certaines expériences se répètent quel que soit le contexte. How uncanny!
This is simply delectable, and the following is in love: you, my Dear, are dangerous with an ink pen/keyboard! Excellent!
P.S. - that’s the thing about having children, they are humbling in ways one can’t imagine (and you Dad may never say it, but he appreciates that you’re the impetus if his continued unlearning 😉).
I am so flattered about your compliment about my writing, as I am not a native speaker, I am always very conscious. Thank you!
My dad is THE best, he might not say it, but his actions are so telling. There will always be a moment when he asks a question about a past conversation, or tell me about an article or a book he read or found. I mean I couldn't be prouder to be his daughter!
You’re making him think about things, and that’s great. I’d love to listen in when he speaks of you with his friends and others, I need sunglasses because his smile is blinding! And there is absolutely no need for self-conscious thinking, none- you are exceeding your own expectations!
Haha, my father is the type of parent and grandparent that shamelessly says his children and grandchildren are THE best. We thankfully have our mother to even things out, if not we would have grown up to be pretty conceited haha. Thanks again for your kind words!
You are more than welcome!
Well done, Emmanuelle! I'm sure writing about this hasn't been easy, I loved reading it. I think this would make a fantastic series, keep writing about your family and going deep, your story is important because you have both perspectives.
Hello Patty,
It hasn't been at all because I was afraid to not convey that despite all there is much love between me and my father. But I also wanted to be honest. I am really glad you enjoyed it which encourages me to keep writing about my family. Thanks a lot for your kind words!
Merci Emmanuelle. Ca n a pas du être facile a ecrire et c’est passionnant a lire.
Bonjour Marguerite,
Effectivement, je suis revenue plusieurs fois sur cet article avant de le publier, j'avais peur de manquer de respect à mon père (même si il a lu l'article haha) et je voulais aussi transmettre tout l'amour et le dialogue qu'il y a dans notre relation malgré tout. En tout cas je suis ravie que tu aies trouvé l'article passionnant à lire. Merci beaucoup !